Dr. Dad

These past 2 weeks have been pretty rough for us. First, I get sick to the point that I think I might need surgery. Next, my wife wakes me up by singing to a porcelain god. To top that off, the kid did what can best be described as something out of 'The Exorcist'... from both ends. So Unholy.

Normally, my wife plays the Dr. Mom role to a T. She makes it look easy. I just take full advantage of it. It is TRUE. I will admit it. I will let her take the kid, and sooth her on the couch all night long. Meanwhile, I'll be fast asleep in la-la land. And, Yes... I have done that a few times.

But there comes a time in every Dad's life where he steps it up takes on Dr. Dad responsibilities. For me, this week is that time.

As long as we're being honest, (which I can say I am about 98.943% of the time on this blog, even to the chagrin of my family and friends), I feel really guilty about letting my wife shoulder a great deal of that responsibility. So, when I see her sick or hurt, I not only am needed to step up, I do so with gusto!

Why don't I do it more often? (I guess this blog really is my therapy.) Because I do have a selfish streak. It's true. There are not many friends I wouldn't tell about my million dollar jackpot too. (Don't worry Guffy, you'd be the first I'd call.) (Hell, I'd send a jet for you first before I called.) (Sorry everyone that's not Guffy.)

You ask my wife, and I'm the perfect Dad. I engage her. I look after her in the morning while my wife's at work. I hold her and play with her. I know my wife would tell you because she tells me. A lot. However, I still feel kinda guilty that I don't do it more often.

So. I postulate, does not wanting to do more taking care of the kid, even when told I am doing so, in fact mean that I am doing better than I should be? ... Existentialism be damned, I want and shall do more! And that's why I am more than happy to play Dr. Dad. ...

For a little while any way.

Quick thought: Spy Ninja Weapons

New feature: Quick Thought.

A.) Testing out my mobile blogger app. So far, so good.

B.) Why don't spys use more baby toys? I know at night, when I'm walking around, those f-ers hurt. Seriously, just impaled myself on a Fisher Price Block. Great for kids play and spy ninja weapons!

DadHack: Sippy Coffee

As part of a daily ritual, before we go to the park, I find us going to the local coffeebux every other morning. Now that the kid can hold up a sippy cup, she really wants to hold everything, including her bottle. Problem is, it's not wide enough for her yet. Her bottle has no handles. BUT, add an empty coffee cup to the equation, AND: Volia! Someone is part of the group.

"You have a cold?" "Na, I got a kid."

Sorry I've been gone for the past week. I have been crazy sick. However, in sickness, I have had an EXPLOSION of new topics to blog. The first one comes from a Netflix binge. Being sick is tough enough. Being sick with a kid is a whole different ballgame.

You can't just lay in bed and sleep the day away. You can't just call in sick.

We were recently watching a tv show Netflix told me was 'Amazeballs'. (Think I should copy write Amazeballs.) The name was Terra Nova. (Available on Blu-ray/DVD or for instant streaming.) In the first episode, one of the main characters is asked a simple question: "You have a cold?" He replies with, what I can only describe as fatherly stoicism. "Na, I got a kid."

BOOM! THAT is what I'm taking about! The circle of sickness.

Were sicknesses are involved, life before kids, sick days were full of naps and NyQuil tranquility. (And puppy dogs and rainbows, Unicorns and ice cream cone rain clouds.) There was also a time I could go throw up in the toilet, and just lay there for an hour on the cold ground and just recover.

Now, with a 7 month old, it's throw up as soon as you can, get it over with, mouth wash quick, then run/stumble back to the kid and make sure she's okay.

My recovery is only one part to this equation. It's almost impossible to be in such local proximity to someone, like my daughter, and not get them sick. No matter how many flu shots you get. (Notice I did not talk about vaccinations. That is something I wholeheartedly agree with, but we'll talk about that later.) (Just one thing, my kid dies because you just don't like shots, ... well... then I will tell you all about my feelings about that.)

Kids are germ and disease magnets. I've only been a dad for a few months, but I have never had this many random coughs, nose runs, or just aches and pains. I am getting old, (I know this), but this is a lot in a short amount of time. I know who it's from.

She puts ANYTHING in her mouth. It's her way of learning. It goes to make sense that she would "pick up" a thing or 2.

AAAAAAAAnd with that 'punny' joke, I'll be off. Remember, it's not that you're sick. You've just got a kid.

A Parody of a Parody is my Friend

While watching Sesame Street with the Kid, I saw this parody of House of Cards:

If you have never seen House of Cards, it's a show that involves Frank Underwood, played by Kevin Spacey. He is a wheeling, dirty-dealing, get-what-he-wants, Washington DC insider. He is even willing to kill to become the President. Literally. (The 3rd season is being released of Friday.) (I CAN NOT WAIT!!!) UPDATE: THE THIRD SEASON IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

I've noticed that the kid's shows from Sesame Street to Star Wars: The Clone Wars and countless others have taken to parodying different classic movies and tv shows. In fact, the show 'Codename: Kids Next Door' does a parody almost every episode.

I really enjoy these shows because it does something my childhood never was able to do. It bridges the gap between me and my daughter. I LOVE watching these shows. I get to relive moments in time where I first watched something. Example, Star Wars. It is my sacred text. I have memorized every moment, even the crappy re-re-re releases. (B.T.Dubs, George Lucas does write back to you. Or rather his sarcastic and mean-spirited secretary telling you "Mr. Lucas does not have time for you." That was more of a paraphrase than a quote, but you get the picture.) (Jar-Jar Binks? REALLY?)... My daughter loves Sesame street. I love it because she learns from it. But, Bridge the two together and BAM!:

My father and I had baseball. That was about it. All the shows out in the 80's and early 90's really were just about themselves. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, for example, did an episode where Mikey, (Yeah, I'm on that close of a relationship with him I call him Mikey, not Michelangelo) does a James Cagney impersonation. That's about the extent of parody back then. Now-a-days, shows like TMNT parodies are rampant on youtube and kid's shows. (The Best is the Epic Rap Battle: CAUTION: NAUGHTY WORDS AND SIMULATED VIOLENCE)

Remember, the 4 will be with you... always.

Something about Life and Lemons...

Today, something really struck me. While I was driving into work, I saw a homeless lady. She was panhandling in the middle of a divided road. She had taken a cart from a nearby store and laid it sideways on the ground. This thus made an impromptu chair for sitting. All I could think was, "WOW! How resourceful!"

That's really something I've come to learn to appreciate as a dad. I've done the 'bottle under the chin' trick. I've perfected the cooking with the kid on the kitchen floor. I've even gone so far as keys on a lanyard so I can be on the computer while the kid is on the couch next to me playing tug of war. But I have never thought of taking a shopping cart and making a chair. That was damn near genius level life hack.

That is something I would like to instill in you, Reader. Take what the world gives you and make the best of it. If life gives you shopping carts, make a chair.

Why Naps Aren't JUST for College

When the Kid takes a nap, it's like the world goes into a hyper state of being. Unicorns and Rainbows litter the skies, while elves come out of hiding from their homes in the walls. Clouds open their eyes from a drowsy sleep and flutter away with thunderous yawns, opening up the earth to the Sun's rays of vitamin D happiness.

AND SHIT GETS DONE!

Now, there are those times "when they sleep, you sleep." This is true. There have been those nights when she can't sleep, which means I can't sleep. These naps on those days are perfect times to be asleep yourself.

Mostly, I get to work. There is sooooo many things that can get done while she rests. For instance:
-cleaning up around the house
-cooking lunch or dinner
-cleaning dishes
-doing laundry
-binge watching Netflix shows
-writing a blog
-taking out the trash
-enjoying a Mojito (responsibly)
-learning a new language
-reading a book
-polishing your resume (if you'd like to see mine, just ask)
-vacuuming

Of course, don't vacuum if your kid's a light sleeper. My kid can sleep through a hurricane. I don't know if that saying is true, but I DO know she can sleep through Decepticons battling Optimus Prime riding a dinosaur waving a sword with Micheal Bay Explosions EVERYWHERE!!!... That has been tested.

All going back to multitasking, naps are a perfect time to get things done.